Safe. Secure. Armed.

The Patriot Missile Battery is conveniently located at the southern wall next to the children’s playground and is a reminder to all members to never be complacent. 

The feelings of tranquillity evoked within the compound can sometimes distract members from the many dangers that lurk just over the fence.  Cultural Marxists, EV-drivers (non-Tesla), trade unionists, atheists, Greens voters and Humanists more generally loom as ever-present menaces.  But the biggest ongoing threat remains that posed by Communist China.  Having successfully kidnapped Sir Harold Holt and tapped into his genius to drive their own development, China’s Politburo will NEVER surrender our true leader.  To do so would unleash the kind of social decay that has devastated Australia over the decades since Sir Harold’s “disappeared”, a development that would surely presage the end of China’s one-party rule. 

The Chinese Communist Party therefore perceives The Harold Holt Disappearance Reenactment Society as an existential threat.  Xi Jinping has made no secret of the fact that he views the relentless search for the truth behind the events of 17 December 1967, and our ongoing commitment to locating Sir Harold and returning him to Australia, by force if necessary, as Communist China’s most significant security challenge.

Don’t be fooled.  Endless chatter about Chinese ambitions against Taiwan is a simply a distraction.  While it might fool so-called “experts” and other talking heads in international security circles, we at the HHDRS know it to be a hollow threat.  China’s rapid military build-up is aimed at just one thing – the destruction of the HHDRS. Only a handful of thinkers understand this, which is why in February 2025 Falun Gong leader Li Hongzhi donated to the HHDRS his own private Patriot Missile battery along with 10,000 missiles repurposed from the conflict in the Ukraine. 

Along with a squadron of killer drones disguised as seagulls and a battalion of water-resistant robot assassins developed in the on-site laboratories of Emeritus Professor Festus Scrötal, the Patriot Missile battery will help keep members safe until the first AUKUS submarine enters service in 2238. 

Regrettably our attempts to boost the air defences and mine Bass Straight to hedge against the Communist Chinese getting ‘up to their old tricks’, have been opposed by the Federal Government and the UN. Accordingly, the ‘Depth Charge Jet Ski Experience’ is cancelled until further notice. No refunds will be made available, and complaints should be directed to the Minister for Defence, Richard Marles.

Fun for all the family

Each year on 1 October, the HHDRS marks China’s national day by firing a volley of Patriot missiles at a papier mache effigy of Xi Xinping placed in the driver’s seat of a BYD sedan parked in the centre of the Queenscliff Coutas Football and Netball Club oval located on the other side of Port Philip Heads. 

The exercise, which is designed to remind the Chinese not to try anything tricky, attracts a vast crowd of onlookers with the order to “fire” delivered by a lucky HHDRS member drawn from a raffle.  Tickets are available from the gift shop for $500 each, $498 for children and concession card holders. Height restrictions apply.