Holt Sightings and Investigations Unit
Evidence-based investigations
Despite “disappearing” over 50 years ago, possible sightings of Sir Harold Holt continue to be reported to the HHDRS. At its peak, between 1967 and 1983, the number of reports reached upwards of 200 per week, but by 1997 it had levelled out at its current rate of around 22 per week.
It is our judgement that the decline in the number of possible sightings is NOT indicative of waning of public interest in the plight of Sir Harold Holt but is more a reflection of the growing influence of the pro-China lobby within the Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade following the election of the Hawke Labor government in 1983.
The HHDRS takes seriously and investigates every reported sighting of Sir Harold Holt. This task is carried out by the highly secretive Holt Sightings and Investigations Unit headed by The Professor, whose aversion to publicity and inherently furtive and untrustworthy character lends itself to the kinds of covert activity required to either verify or disprove each individual report.
2023: Master of disguise and enemy infiltration, an alert and powerful Sir Harold escapes his captors, blending with the crowd and awaiting extraction orders from Canberra.
Another accredited sighting of Sir Harold infiltrating The People’s Hall, China.
To investigate the veracity of such reports the Unit devises a fit-for purpose operational plan designed to deliver the highest possible level of certainty. There are no so-called ‘standard operating procedures’. For example, using a verification operation designed to investigate a sighting of Sir Harold at Canberra’s Summernats (January 2005) will not work for an investigation of a sighting at Ming’s House of Dumplings on Shanghai’s famous Bund (August 2015). Accordingly, not only does the Holt Sightings Unit continually review and upgrade the tradecraft skills of its agents, but it also maintains an active network of covert sources both within Australia and overseas.
Once a sighting has been verified, a specialised paramilitary division within the Sightings Unit is activated and devises a rescue plan. With Canberra’s cowardly abrogation of the responsibility to do everything in its powers to secure Sir Harold’s return, it has fallen upon the HHDRS to use force, if necessary, to do so. Australians need to remember that Sir Harold remains our legitimate Prime Minister. He “disappeared” mid-tenure and was never voted out. To this end, the Sightings and Investigations Unit maintains a potent paramilitary capability which includes a network of mercenaries and other “assets” throughout China and the region at large.We begin every engagement by listening, ensuring that objectives align with broader civic, environmental, and fiscal contexts. Seasoned analysts employ quantitative and qualitative tools to uncover root causes rather than treat symptoms.
Verified Holt sightings throughout the years
-
- on top of periscope of a Ming Class Submarine
-
– Mao’s cushion fluffer at 10th Party Congress
-
– Strapper, Chou En-lai Stable at Mekong Valley Cockfighting Championships
-
– “Lilly”, Les Girls Burlesque Troupe
-
– “Madam Zhu”, Dong’s Karaoke and Noodle Palace
-
- Pool Attendant
-
– Paramount Leader Jiang Zemin’s Golf Caddy
-
– Snorkelling Instructor
-
– Third oarsman, Bank of China Dragonboat, Hong Kong Regatta
-
– Pangolin wrangler
Report a sighting
Think you’ve spotted Harold? Complete this form stating the location, time and what the alleged former Prime Minister was wearing. A blurry photograph of some wet bloke is welcome, but hardly conclusive.
Gretchen will assess your report once she’s ruled out garden-variety retirees and Sand Flea members wasting her time. If Harold is still there, please ask him to contact the Society. We have outstanding membership fees to discuss.