The Reenactment
Australia’s greatest annual reenactment ceremony
17 December 1967 is seared into the collective Australian consciousness.
It was the day that the nation’s greatest ever leader, a man anointed by God to steer Australia to greatness and who was worshipped by all rightminded citizens, was snatched from the national bosom leaving the country bereft and rudderless.
On that day, Sr Harold Edward Algenon Holt entered the ocean near the sleepy village of Portsea just 111 kilometres from Melbourne for his daily routine of a relaxing swim from Cheviot Beach to the Port Lonsdale lighthouse and back. Along the course of his 7km journey he would do a spot of spearfishing at the entrance to the notoriously turbulent entrance to Port Philip Bay.
On that day in 1967, he never returned. While the ensuing decades have seen a handful of would-be leaders attempt to rise to Sir Harold’s greatness, all have failed. Despite their best efforts, and the obvious talents of people such as Sir Billy McMahon, Senator Neville Field, Kevin Sheedy, Tony Abbott and Karl Stefanovic, none have evinced the vision, energy, brainpower or mass appeal of Sir Harold.
17 December therefore remains an open wound on the collective consciousness. It is a day when Aussies come together to remember Sir Harold, to celebrate everything he did for this nation – decimal currency, the Apple and Pear Appropriation Act, menthol pipe tobacco, chicken salt – and to mourn both his loss and the erosion of decorum and social cohesion that it triggered.
But the ceremony is also something more. It is day when we say, “never again!”
Never again will we be lied to! The official explanation that Sir Harold “disappeared (presumed drowned)” is clearly false, a deliberate deception to protect those members of the elite, such as Deputy Prime Minister and Communist Chinese agent “Black “Jack McEwan and the Commissioner for Taxation Sir Edward Cain, who were jealous of Sir Harold’s popularity, fearful of his vision, and who conspired to remove him from office.
The Reenactment Ceremony is a day to remind the nation that the conspirators still lurk amongst us, and that Sir Harold Holt remains captive, while his nation’s leaders fail to secure his return.
The ceremony itinerary in detail
The day begins at dawn with the firing of a memorial canon modified to replicate the sound of a giant Cognac bottle being opened. This is the signal for the crowds of onlookers, which in recent years have numbered over 350,000, to begin assembling in Portsea village and along the 3.8km route to Cheviot Beach. (Gates to the ticketed viewing area at Cheviot Beach do not open until 10am)
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The surrogate Sir Harold Holt leaves the former Holt house (now a museum) at Weeroona Avenue and makes his way down the hill into Portsea Village, entering the Portsea Hotel from the rear. After pausing at the wooden trap door leading to the cellar and twice looking over his shoulder, our surrogate knocks three times, coughs, and utters the secret code, “Barry, open up! It’s me.” At this point, the person who HHDRS members have voted to play the role of local publican and bait supplier Barry Barrington, pushes open the trap doors, pokes his head out, and with a self-rolled cigarette perched on his bottom lip invites Sir Harold to climb down into the cellar. From here they make their way to the Boat Shoe and T-Bar lounge and over the next two hours imbibe several litres of Cognac.
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Our surrogate Sir Harold leaves the Portsea Hotel carrying a speargun and snorkel, the size of which causes him to walk unsteadily along the road leading to Cheviot Beach with the hordes of onlookers expected to keep a respectful silence. (Note: while security personnel will respond vigorously and evict any person whose behaviour sullies the sombre mood befitting the occasion – including with attempts to take selfies or calls of “Good on ya Harold!” - a degree of tolerance will be shown towards gentle sobbing.)
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Our surrogate is greeted at the ‘Warning: Unexploded Ordinance’ sign by his snorkel caddy, Felicity Palme-Frond who takes the speargun from Sir Harold and thereby frees him to pull on his mask and snorkel.
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ADULTS ONLY. At this stage of the reenactment a screen is used to prevent unfortunate vision of the moment Sir Harold’s snorkel is ensnared in Ms Palme-Frond’s bikini top, requiring Sir Harold to remove his wet suit to untangle Ms Palme-Frond’s bathing costume. (Blindfolds will be distributed to parents to apply to their children for this stage of the ceremony).
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At the sound of a second canon shot, Sir Harold enters the water and swims (backstroke) in a southwest direction. (Children’s blindfolds can be removed with the firing of the canon)
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At the sound of a giant Chinese gong (mounted on the back of a 1966 black Ford Zephyr), a Communist Chinese submarine (Ming Class) appears approximately 200m to the south of the unsuspecting Sir Harold (still performing backstroke). The simulated submarine (a 65meter Chinese dragon on loan from the Golden Imperial Sea Anemone Taiwanese Restaurant wrapped in black plastic and insultation tape) circles once.
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The surrogate ‘Black’ Jack McEwan appears on the third sand dune (now known as ‘Traitor’s Knobb’) and holding a copy of Mao’s Little Red Book in his right hand, waves an off-white knee-length sock above his head with his left hand, before pointing towards the still unsuspecting Sir Harold Holt, whom is swimming powerfully and majestically. (Note: while booing the appearance of the traitor and Chinese spy Jack McEwan and the throwing of certain cruciferous vegetables is acceptable, organisers will not tolerate any member of the public attempting to physically manhandle the individual playing the role of McEwan. Offenders will be ejected and forfeit the price of admission.)
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To the sound of 100 Chinese gongs, crashing cymbals and a lone bagpiper, the Chinese submarine closes in on Sir Harold. When it closes to within 2 meters, the surrogate captain, Wong Tim Tam, climbs from the coning tower and after securing Sir Harold with a fishing net drags him into the body of the submarine before executing a U-turn and heading speedily east.
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Five minutes of silence.
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The surrogate Dame Zara Bate appears alone on the beach and sings ‘Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”.
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Additional six minutes of silence followed by the playing of God Save the King and the 1966 decimal currency jingle.
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Close. Ceremony leader and Founder and National Convenor of the Harold Holt Disappearance Reenactment Society, Dr Erstwhile Truthwright, walks to the water’s edge and throws a steamed Pork Bun into the sea in the direction of Beijing, He then breaks a chopstick to symbolise the animosity that must be shown to the Communist Chinese until Sir Harold is repatriated back to Australia.
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Ceremony concludes.
The 2026 Reenactment Ceremony:
Role nominations now open!
Thursday 17th December: Register your interest now!
Fancy making a splash at the 58th Annual Harold Holt Disappearance Reenactment Ceremony? Fill in the form below to register your interest or nominate yourself for a starring role in this unforgettable day by the sea.
Lest we forget. Stay vigilant, stay angry!
The abduction of Harold Holt - as celebrated in Chinese art. A sickening reminder of the need for vigilance and revenge. The offensive Chinese text on the poster translates to:
Top Header (Red Text):
"伟大的领袖毛主席万岁" - Long live the great leader Chairman Mao!
Center Text (Large White/Black Outline):
"庆祝中国海军力量 控制南海" - Celebrate the power of the Chinese Navy controlling the South China Sea!
Bottom Banner:
"控制傀儡，保卫领海" - Control the puppets, defend territorial waters!
Labels on the Submarine:
094型 - Type 094 (a class of Chinese ballistic missile submarine)
中国海军 - Chinese Navy
The HHDRS Committee advises that the individual pictured is banned from all future ceremonies, rehearsals and associated festivities. Neither an impressive uniform nor a boatload of melons constitutes an invitation, and any claim to be “just dropping something off” should be treated with considerable scepticism.
Please alert security immediately if this individual is seen on HHDRS premises, including at the jetty or approaching by dinghy. Members are asked to leave all negotiations to authorised personnel and resist any offer of complimentary fruit.
Important Notice:
Banned from all future ceremonies
