On returning to Australia Tony decided to dedicate his life to the church and enrolled in Sydney’s Pope Pius IV seminary. But he quickly realised that a career in the priesthood was unlikely to satiate his appetite for adventure, and so he took a job as a PE master at a Catholic boy’s school, before turning his talents to the budding art of cage wrestling.

It was in his persona as ‘Tony the Inquisitor’ that Abbott came to the attention of then liberal leader, and avid blood sport enthusiast, Dr John Hewson. He accepted a position as Hewson's personal bodyguard and private confessor, before being nominated for the safe Sydney seat of De Groote. The new Liberal Party leader John Howard was alerted to Tony's talents and promise as a potential minister, when he stumbled across Abbott holding labor senator Robert ray in a painful figure-four leg lock behind the parliament house bicycle sheds. Howard promoted Tony to the shadow front bench, and on winning government at the 1996 election, Howard went on to award him the senior ministerial portfolio of Forestry, Fisheries and Vivisection. The apex of his ministerial career occurred when Howard then appointed Tony as minister for Workplace Bullying.

Tony has had many achievements, despite his relatively short political career. These include his declaration of work choices, banning red meat from the Friday menu of the parliament house canteen, the defeat of the Rudd government’s emission trading bill, and nominating the Vatican for membership in the British Commonwealth.

He is also known for punching an uppity stenographer in the House of Representatives unconscious, and taking the first incremental steps toward the complete dismantling of the child support system, which was seen as anti-father, anti-family and promoting lesbianism.Tony makes no secret of the fact he has long aspired to lead Australia into a new era of conservative greatness. His position as adviser to the HHDRS is a significant step towards this.

His vision has been forged through thousands of hours immersed in the works of great thinkers such as Karl Schmidt, Ulrich von Ribbentrop, Pope Pius the XII and Sydney radio legend Alan Jones. Meanwhile his appreciation of the nature and origins of humankind has been refined after thousands of additional hours of deep philosophical debate with leading Christian theologians.

Tony recounts how the impetus to seek out advice and embark on a crusade to remake Australia and turn it into a shining example of western virtues of abstinence and self-discipline came with the nocturnal visit by the spirit of first governor of NSW and patron saint of chronic masturbators, Arthur Phillip. Philip told Abbott to meditate and wait for a message from God. He told Abbott the Holy Spirit would quote knock three times on the ceiling if Tony had been anointed by God as a modern day antipodean metternich, twice on the pipe if the answer was no. Three loud taps on the ceiling later and Tony was hard at work on a vision for Australian greatness.