Dr Erstwhile Truthwright
Dr. Erstwhile Gibb Bulmore Bradman Truthwright
Founder and National Convenor
The name ‘Dr. Erstwhile Truthwright’ evokes an image of a man of learning, possibly in the field of medicine, or of a person of higher learning and an impressive mind.
But Truthwright has used the ‘Dr’ moniker since kindergarten, where in 1966 he used a blue crayon to append it to the teacher’s roll. Henceforth, pre-school nannies, primary school nuns, juvenile parole officers, exorcists and even the famously astute Christian Brothers at the St Michael Jackson School for Boys called him ‘Doctor’.
In reality, Truthwright has no formal medical qualifications. In fact, he has no tertiary qualifications at all except those awarded from institutions of dubious repute most of which can be found in the Third World, such as Trump University which before declaring bankruptcy awarded Truthwright a master’s degree in Ponzi Schemes. It is true, as reported in the final report of the Royal Commission into Drug Trafficking (1983), that at some point Truthwright dispensed prescription medications and mysteriously he does have a Medicare provider number, but an extensive search of alumni records of medical schools in Australia and abroad provides no evidence that Truthwright ever graduated from, or even attended, a medical school.
In fact, those who know him well claim he displays a cavalier disregard for even the most rudimentary personal health and hygiene. It was Truthwright who convinced his close friend R.F. Kennedy Jr., the US Secretary of Health, that while simple ailments such as dandruff and rectal itch are the result of to ‘trade union witchcraft’, more serious diseases, such as the COVID-19 virus and gonorrhoea, are fictions created by a Chinese disinformation campaign designed to distract attention from Beijing’s role in the kidnapping of Sir Harold Holt.
Dr Erstwhile Truthwright after President Trump invited his "favourite Aussie" to steer the first wrecking ball into the old West Wing of the Whitehouse.
Over the years there have been people who have thought that Truthwright’s dogmatic advocacy of anti-science views suggests a background in the natural sciences. But in 2005 the eminent scientist Dr Karl Kruszelnicki told Bert Newton that he was once stuck in an elevator with Truthwright for several hours during which time Truthwright attacked the scientist for his views on everything from vaccinations to Newton’s third law of motion, all of which he called “left wing bunkum”.
According to Kruszelnicki, Truthwright insisted the only ‘credible’ scientific experts in Australia was Dr James Wright, a one-time regular on the Mike Walsh show and the role model for Dr Oz in the United States, and Dr Geoffrey Edelstein.
Kruszelnicki also told Newton and his audience that at the end of the experience he was not only convinced that Truthwright had never even touched a science book, but that he was also clinically insane. Not long after this the scientist was forced to change his name and go into witness protection.
There is a theme which runs through Truthwright’s views on science which inclines many to conclude that Truthwright holds qualifications in economics or finance. But despite having always been skilled in the art of money making – he’s like a truffle pig in ferreting out opportunities for profit – he doesn’t have any formal financial qualifications.
The truffle pig reference is not simply a metaphor. Truthwright can literally smell money, an olfactory quirk that is so rare that there have only ever been two other cases in recorded history, Giovanni di Lorenzo de' Medici (1475 –1521), and the Roman Emperor Caligula (12-41). After extensive testing, both Philippines President Ferdinand Marcos and the President of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Mobutu Sese Seko, were judged not to have had this ability.
The test used to determine whether a person has this ability is known as the Rockefeller Method, which in Truthwright’s case was conducted in secret clinical trials at a classified US military facility in the early 1970s. It involved Truthwright wearing a diving bell and being immersed in a range of substances of progressively higher density and toxicity – such as sand, wet concrete, mouton lead, and finally American chocolate. The experiment proved beyond doubt that Truthwright could sniff out currency even under the most trying of conditions. Neither Australian, US, Canadian nor Singaporean dollars stumped him. Blindfolded and buried beneath 15 tons of sand, concrete, lead and Hershey Bars he correctly identified the denominations and dates of issue of Albanian lek, Argentine peso, Armenian dram, Botswana pula, Egyptian pound, Ethiopian birr, Indonesian rupiah, Japanese Yen, Kazakhstani tenze, Malaysian ringgit, Nicaraguan córdoba, Norwegian krone, Serbian and Tunisian dinar, and post-communist Russian roubles. None stumped him. Not notes, not coins.
Personal life
But who is Dr. Erstwhile Truthwright the man? How does a person Kylie Minogue once described as “malodorous and repugnant but weirdly alluring” draw into his circle a stellar collection of Australian and international high achievers?
He was born in the early 1960s – the precise date varies across his collection of Australian and Southeast Asian passports - and is the son of immigrant parents. His father, Victor Emmanuel, was an Italian who served without distinction in Mussolini’s famed Feathered Hat Regiment. His war record indicates that he attempted to surrender on no less than 37 occasions, twelve of these to his own comrades.
His mother’s background is less clear. Court documents suggest that when she met Victor
Emmanuel, she was working as a maritime diesel mechanic onboard a Panamanian registered freighter ferrying scrap metal and fugitive members of the Third Reich to Argentina. In evidence tended to the court it was claimed the two met when the soon-to-be Mrs. Truthwright discovered Victor Emmanuel secreting artworks stolen from the Uffizi Museum into a wall cavity in the ship’s engine room.
Given the fraught and occasionally violent relationship between his parents (his mother was arrested numerous times for striking her husband with garden furniture) it is not surprising that Truthwright never married.
He claims, without any evidence, to have enjoyed trysts with high profile women such as the late Queen Mother, her daughter the late Queen Elizabeth II, Dame Margaret Guilfoyle,
Princess Masako of Japan, former German Chancellor Angela Merkel, the author J.K. Rowling, Taylor Swift, and several female members of the family of the late North Korean leader Kim Il Sung. More recently, gossip columnists have linked him to Australia’s wealthiest woman, Gina Rinehart. Indeed, according to one source, it was Truthwright who persuaded the mining magnate to sue her children and name himself as heir to both Hancock Mining Pty Ltd and the Australian Olympic Swimming team.
Truthwright also claims to have been engaged on several occasions – to Pauline Hanson, Sister Janet Mead, and Madam Chiang Kai Shek - but there is no public evidence to corroborate these claims and several of the women concerned have threatened legal action if he repeats them publicly.
School life and the importance of Sir Harold Holt
At the age of five, Truthwright used his parents’ absence at a court ordered anger management workshop to sell the family home and secrete the proceeds in a Swiss Bank Account set up in the name of Bob Santamaria, then leader of the Democratic Labor Party.
For his parents, the final straw was returning home after several days at the Ararat Violent Offenders Unit to find a Vietnamese family living in their house and their furniture piled on the footpath . To rein in their son they turned to an exorcist - a fresh-faced Father George Pell.
Pell advised the parents to enrol their boy in an exclusive primary school run by an order of Dutch nuns – the anti-evolutionist Sisters of the Perpetual Clog – famed for their innovative use of medieval torture techniques to solve juvenile behavioural problems.
The experience was not a positive one and even today a mere glimpse of a wooden shoe or a windmill causes the adult Truthwright to run about wildly, flailing his arms and cite passages from the Catechism.
It was around this time that another event occurred which would prove pivotal to the young Truthwright’s development. On the afternoon of 17 December 1967, Australia’s 17th Prime Minister, Sir Harold Holt, went for a late afternoon swim at Victoria’s Cheviot Beach near his home in the upmarket village of Portsea. He never returned.
After days of searching, neither the Victoria Police, the Army, Navy or Airforce, nor a search party put together by the Portsea and Blairgowrie yacht clubs, could find any trace of Sir Harold and several weeks later he was formally declared missing presumed drowned.
The young Truthwright was outraged. The man who had invented decimal currency and rolled it out in Australia, giving Truthwright a windfall profit after he converted the money gained from selling his parents’ house, had earned Truthwright’s admiration. In Holt he saw a visionary, a man who could lead Australia to a new era of greatness.
Truthwright didn’t believe the official accounts that Holt had drowned. He smelled a rat as clearly as he could smell the new orange twenty-dollar notes. Using his real estate windfall, Truthwright purchased a small plot of land in Portsea, determined to use it as a base to carry out his own investigations and to get to the bottom of what he quickly came to believe to be a conspiracy engineered by the Communist Chinese in league with Holt’s envious and duplicitous deputy “Black” Jack McEwen.
Secondary school and Brother Fintonia O’Columbia
Following a 1969 decision of the Victorian Supreme Court (Department of Education v. Truthwright) the young Holt-obsessed Truthwright was forced to suspend his own private search for Holt and return to school.
After completing Grade 6 at Pope Benedict IX’s Juvenile Reformatory he was enrolled at the Christian Brothers-run St. Michael Jackson School for Boys in Melbourne’s leafy outer Eastern suburbs.
In contrast to the trauma experienced under the nuns, his high school years with the Christian Brothers was one of profound happiness and personal growth.
It was at this institution, later described by a Victorian Supreme Court Judge as, “little more than a sexual correctional facility” that Truthwright met his colleague of many decades, The Professor. The connection between the two has confused historians, not only because Truthwright was always a year below The Professor despite starting a year before him and never actually repeating a year, but because of their vastly different personalities.
While Truthwright was a gregarious personality close to the school authorities, The Professor was a solitary and almost furtive character who was often suspected of being involved in Fenian-style subversion.
Unlike Truthwright, The Professor was distrusted and despised by the Brothers and they often used him as a slow-moving target during Wednesday afternoon clerical archery practice.
Unlike the Professor, who grew increasingly isolated and prone to sudden outbursts of Latin obscenities, Truthwright flourished under the Christian Brothers, receiving particularly close attention from his mentor, the Year 7 Übermensch, Brother Fintonia O’Columbia.
At school reunions, in the media, and in numerous court transcripts Brother Fintonia is now regarded as a sadistic geriatric neo-Nazi thug who delighted in punishing even the most trivial misdemeanours through bizarre acts of sexual humiliation.
He was especially fond of suspending 10 litre flasks of Lourdes water from the scrotums of fat boys who finished last in the weekly cross-country runs. To this day, The Professor attributes his distended scrotum to this punishment rather than the “cycling accident” the school described to his parents.
But Brother Fintonia’s sadism melted at the sight of Truthwright, and he treated the boy with an affection that today would draw the attention of Child Protection Officers. In turn, Truthwright rewarded the wheezy, watery eyed, nicotine stained cleric with unwavering loyalty.
Senior faculty preside over an exorcism after a Year 8 boy was discovered with pictures of naked women. Brother Fintonia is third from left. School publicity brochure 1973.
In fact, throughout his years as a student Truthwright operated a secret espionage ring on behalf of the geriatric cleric, collecting evidence of unsanctioned hijinks in the showers, monitoring and reporting school yard chatter of a pro-women or communistic nature, and using school sanctioned torture (such as waterboarding) to extract confessions from boys suspected of not living up to the school ethos of racist and misogynistic thuggery in the name of God.
In return, Brother Fintonia exempted Truthwright (who by 1975 topped the scale at 140kg) from every single sporting event during his time at the school despite the Christian Brother’s Disciplinary Manual classifying not participating in combat sports as a “mortal sin”. Rather than participate in football, jousting or mud wrestling, Brother Fintonia had his favourite student drive a personalised golf buggy which was used to harass stragglers during cross country runs – usually children with acute asthma or a prosthesis.
Fifty years later even those former students not confined to maximum security prisons or homes for the criminally insane recall seeing the spotty oversized teenage Truthwright and the diminutive balding geriatric cleric patrolling new housing estates or bouncing across soon to be sub-divided apple and pear orchards, Truthwright at the steering wheel and Fintonia standing on the running board with a cattle prod, the pair laughing maniacally as they hunted pubescent victims.
Until Brother Fintonia’s unexpected death in 2015 at the age of 117, the two men got together on 3 August every year to commemorate what they referred to as ‘The Catastrophe’ – the day in 1977 when the Catholic Archdiocese of Melbourne declared St Michael Jackson School for Boys would become a secular co-educational facility. Brother Fintonia left the church in protest and started his own cult but remained active in the education of young boys until his passing. Truthwright still claims donations to his old mentor’s facility as a tax deduction.
The university years
Energised by the experience of his special relationship with the Christian Brothers, Truthwright entered Monash University confident of popularity, subservience from other students and eventually graduation without the encumbrance of having to submit essays or sit exams.
His goal was entrepreneurial success and for him the appeal of university life lay in the untapped opportunity for profit. But he was quickly disappointed when just two weeks into his first semester an extraordinary meeting of the university council voted to prohibit his first commercial undertaking – lunchtime cockfights on the student lawns (on sunny days) and in the humanities library (on inclement days).
He was further disappointed and enraged when just a few weeks later he was informed by the Academic Standards Board that a letter from Brother Fintonia excusing Truthwright from normal assessment practices carried no weight.
The anger only increased when fellow students started a petition, which even gained the signature of the Vice Chancellor, calling for Truthwright to be prohibited from attending campus dressed as a World War I general, including a side arm and sword.
Truthwright viewed the subsequent ban on his sartorial tribute to Sir John Monash, after whom the university was named, as evidence of “big government gone mad”.
Subsequent failures at student elections, including unsuccessfully campaigning for the positions of Woman’s Officer and Head of the Islamic Society, and a protracted disciplinary hearing triggered by a complaint lodged by a fellow student and the future leader of the Australian Labor Party, Bill Shorten, further embittered Truthwright.
This created an existential gulf which separated him from other students and fostered a lifelong hatred of anything to do with higher learning.
The university’s refusal to pay his legal costs as the matter involving Shorten progressed through the court system before being settled by the High Court (which upheld all lower court rulings against Truthwright) was the last straw and for the remaining four years and six months of his three-year degree he rarely attended classes and appeared on campus only infrequently.
On the few occasions he did visit the university it was to harangue staff and throw offal at students he suspected of sabotaging his commercial and political ambitions.
An Indochinese sojourn
Things did not improve for Truthwright following his forced departure from Monash University. His first foray into the adult world of politics and finance came unstuck after the media learned of a deal he had brokered between an obscure Pakistani financier Tirath Khemlani and the Cambodian government of Pol Pot.
As the principal architect of the deal – which involved circumventing United Nations’ sanctions to borrow $4 billion to fund a national sewage grid and Cambodia’s first private university offering degrees in tax minimization – Truthwright found himself the target of sustained media harassment.
Matters worsened when veteran ABC journalist Clive Hale broadcast a story implicating Truthwright in the 1979 collapse of the Bank of Adelaide. Hale’s allegation that Truthwright had spiked several mine sites with fake nickel to secure loans also triggered an avalanche of threats of a class action by out-of-pocket investors and caused a minor frisson with the government of Malcolm Fraser.
Despite his falling out with Fraser, Truthwright felt the Coalition’s defeat at the 1983 election acutely. Through his involvement in the Bank of Adelaide collapse he worried that he had inadvertently played a role in ending the two-decade long political primacy of conservative politics in Australia.
Despondent, worried that Monash University would call in debt collectors to recoup the $800,000 in damage he caused after a book burning episode, and to protest the Hawke government’s commitment to continue supporting Medibank, Truthwright headed to Bangkok.
Confident that the wider Mekong Valley region was on the cusp of an economic boom Truthwright set up an office above the Kangaroo Bar in Patpong Road in the heart of the city’s financial district. However, within a week he was involved in a fistfight with one of Thailand’s most revered religious leaders after he perceived a comment by the monk as an insult against the Christian Brothers.
Chased by a posse of Buddhist clerics determined to exact revenge for the wounds suffered by their leader, and a group of bar girls claiming he had paid them with counterfeit baht, Truthwright headed north. At 4:30am on 5 December 1981, cornered by a mob of vigilante monks and sex workers, Truthwright stumbled across Thailand’s border with Laos and was promptly arrested and taken to the capital city of Vientiane where he was to be tried as a ‘Western spy’.
Indeed, the site of the crossing remains contested by both countries to this day. But it was here that his luck began to change.
In Vientiane’s infamous Prince Souphanouvong Prison, he was visited in his cell by Kaysone Phomvihane, General Secretary of the Lao People’s Revolutionary Party.
Warned by the Australian embassy in Bangkok to expect to find an obnoxious, malodorous, obese and flatulent Westerner, Kaysone found instead an obnoxious, malodorous, obese and flatulent Westerner with an encyclopaedic knowledge of his favourite sport - cock fighting.
Within an hour the two men had become firm friends and Truthwright was appointed head of the Laotian leader’s stable of champion fighting cocks – the best in all Asia.
Truthwright’s champion fighting cock, Sir Harold, attacks Laotian Leader Kaysone Phomvihane.
The appointment provided Truthwright with proximity to power and reinvigorated his entrepreneurial energy. In fact, Truthwright was so successful at using his control of the lucrative Laotian cockfighting circuit to expand his retinue of connections within the Communist regime that by late 1982 he had secured several profitable logging and precious stone mining concessions.
However, Truthwright’s commercial successes and influence across the Mekong Delta generated widespread jealousy among local communists, especially after Kaysone’s 1985 decision to allow Truthwright start his own stable of pugilistic chickens.
Hostility towards the Australian grew as he accumulated more mining and timber concessions and his cocks began to dominate the lucrative professional circuit.
But in November 1988 an incident at the All-Indochina Professional Cockfighting Jamboree triggered a chain of events that ultimately led to Truthwright fleeing the Marxist state.
By his own account it was a jealous rival who placed methamphetamines in the feed of his champion fighting cock – Sir Harold – causing it to turn on the Laotian leader in a violent assault that resulted in the Laotian leader losing an eye and suffering severe facial scaring. Despite visiting Kaysone in hospital with a gift of three mangosteens and heaping exaggerated praise on the quality of the Laotian leader’s new prosthetic eye, Truthwright detected a souring in his patron’s affection.
A cautious man, he began transferring his substantial stock of Laotian assets – including his prized stud roosters - into offshore holding accounts. Facing arrest and prosecution in a ‘people’s court’ – a prospect he found deeply offensive – not for the first time Truthwright prepared to flee overseas.
Then, on his last night in Vientiane, an event occurred which irrevocably altered Southeast Asian politics for ever. It was an incident that Truthwright still refuses to discuss but which has become a popular theme in Southeast Asian folklore, even being dramatized in several movies and a long running Cambodian TV soap opera.
Although the precise details are still uncertain it is clear the incident in a Vientiane karaoke bar involving Truthwright, several hostesses, the wife of a senior member of the Politburo, a wobbly card table and a Viking helmet triggered a series of events that left several hundred dead, nearly toppled the Laotian government, divided the Association of Southeast Asian Nations and caused the wives of at least two Politburo members to seek asylum in North Korea.
Not long after, on a warm February evening in 1989, on a makeshift runway on the secluded and heavily fortified Western Victorian property that housed Brother Fintonia’s cult, Truthwright returned to Australia.
He had been away for 13 years, but he alighted from a private jet a wealthy and well-connected man. Four loyal staff accompanied him from his time in Laos - two masseurs, a personal astrologer and a skilled chicken handler.
Bond University and Victoria’s Kennett Years
Truthwright’s experiences in Southeast Asia had made him a wealthy well-connected man, especially throughout Indochina. But in his home country, outside of the Christian Brothers fraternity and Opus Dei he was still relatively unknown.
So, over the next several years Truthwright set about inserting himself among the local corporate and political elite. Using a forged letter of recommendation from Milton Friedman he secured a role as a researcher at the Institute of Public Affairs, but his views on economic reform and contempt for the idea of democracy eventually proved too much even here and twelve months later he was expelled. It was not a convivial separation; in fact, the IPA was advised to relocate to a new more secure premises while several directors took out retraining orders which prohibited Truthwright from coming within 500 meters of them personally and within 2 kilometres of the IPA buffet.
Following from his Southeast Asian egress, Truthwright was convinced that his experience at the IPA was part of a wider conspiracy. In particular, he believed that he was being targeted by left wing forces supported by Communist China. He also believed that the reason could be traced back to his being a lone voice calling for the truth about the Holt disappearance.
Truthwright was convinced the negative reception he had experienced at home and abroad proved he was on to something and thereafter he became even more determined to establish the truth behind Holt’s vanishing. Truthwright was firm in the belief that his hero had been kidnapped, that the Chinese communists were the main actors, and that Sir Harold was alive and being held captive somewhere on the Chinese mainland.
If justice was to be done, Australia saved, and his vision of what he called ‘Holtism’ was to become the national ideology then he had no choice but to dedicate himself to finding Sir Harold and returning him to Australia. He needed a command centre. He decided the time was right to expand his modest plot at Portsea and build a facility large enough to house the skilled personnel and technologies required to uncover the lie of Holt’s disappearance and right this historical wrong. He needed more money.
The need for quick cash prompted Truthwright to consider, for the first time in several decades, his family. He discovered from a member of the Abruzzo Club that his father had absconded to Argentina in 1986 after Italian authorities stumbled across a long forgotten international arrest warrant and petitioned Canberra for his extradition. This left only his mother, who was living comfortably in Toorak after selling her husband’s war booty to a private buyer rumoured to be the Singaporean biscuit tycoon, Wong Tim Tam.
Truthwright called in a favour owed by the soon to be deregistered medical entrepreneur Dr. Geoffrey Edelsten and two weeks later the woman was committed as an involuntary inpatient at a state-run psychiatric facility. The following day he built a bonfire out of her possessions and put the mansion on the market. Within weeks it was bought by a representative of the German Chancellor Helmut Kohl.
Truthwright used the money to purchase and then bulldoze properties surrounding his Portsea fibrocement shack and after contracting the Grollo family and striking a “deal” with the CFMEU began construction of a 135-room Gothic mansion which was to become his Portsea headquarters.
However, strong local opposition, including a mass rally of self-funded superannuants against Truthwright moving into the area and a series of planning setbacks at the Victorian Civil and Administrative Appeal Tribunal Truthwright refocused his attention on cultivating support within corporate, political and ‘enforcement’ circles at the national and state levels.
Although deeply – some might say psychotically –suspicious of the Australian Labor Party, one of Truthwright’s first goals was to secure a meeting with the federal treasurer Paul Keating. However, just minutes into the discussion a lewd joke involving the founder of the Christian Brothers Edmund Rice and the French poet and symbolist writer Arthur Rimbaud so offended Truthwright that he hurled a slice of sponge cake at Keating.
The ensuing altercation left Truthwright requiring a dozen stitches in his right buttock and the relationship between both men never recovered. Even today, Keating remains the only living Australian prime minister not to have membership in the prestigious Harold Holt Disappearance Reenactment Society, his many applications repeatedly blackballed by Truthwright. Moreover, to this day QANTAS prohibits both men being in the same club lounge at the same time.
Truthwright found it much easier to deal with other members of the Hawke government, striking an especially close relationship with Finance Minister Peter Walsh but especially with the Minister for Education John Dawkins.
Truthwright had been deeply impressed by Dawkins’ reforms to higher education, particularly his rejection of the ideal of education as a human right and his introduction of fee-based degrees. To be sure, Truthwright was frustrated at Dawkins’ refusal to sell the universities to a consortium of tobacco companies and US-based investment firms, but he was assuaged by the knowledge that once implemented the Dawkins reforms would generate an irresistible momentum that would lead eventually to the full privatisation of the university sector. Not for the first time, when Dawkins was around Truthwright smelled money.
At the same time Truthwright set about building links with the corporate world, receiving a spectacular boost when he was invited by Alan Bond to serve as the foundation Dean of the School of Upward Social Mobility at the recently established Bond University, the nation’s first fully private tertiary institution located on the Gold Coast.
Truthwright and Alan Bond aboard the Perth-Based businessman’s superyacht, My Lovely Franking Credits, at the 1987 Americas Cup in Fremantle.
Truthwright distinguished his time as a leading academic through some highly innovative administrative and teaching initiatives, pioneering a new curriculum that replaced books and reading with on-the-job experience. Students enrolled in his faculty earned their degrees by working in a series of non-paying positions at his off-campus corporate initiatives.
These included a battery chicken farm at Ingham (a joint venture with a son of Indonesian President Suharto), a medical research facility at Caboolture, a lead foundry at Ipswich, an armaments factory at Gympie and a chain of kebab outlets trading under the name ‘Sheik T’s’.
Students’ results were calibrated according to the extent to which profits rose during their secondment. Marks were deducted for absentee days and industrial accidents while any fines imposed because of surprise inspections by immigration officers or health and safety investigators led to an immediate fail and the forfeiture of fees. During his subsequent trial he justified this harsh pedagogic regimen by telling the judge,
“I knew from first-hand experience that the higher education system was a Marxist-inspired shambles. I wanted to liberate the kids from humanism. I wanted to free them from the narcotic effects of cultural Marxism. That’s why the only textbooks I prescribed were Ayn Rand’s masterpiece, Altas Shrugged and The Turner Diaries, the only good history book ever written. I had to weed out the feeble minded and ethically weak. I wanted to create a new breed of capitalist mercenaries, a new generation of corporate warriors who would drag this country into the post-conscience age. And if in the process I made a bit on the side then that’s my democratic right.”
The judge assessed Truthwright as clinically insane and ordered the jury to disregard his testimony. But, more importantly for Truthwright’s ambitions, the trial triggered a series of parallel investigations that eventually landed his benefactor Alan Bond in prison. Yet Truthwright wasn’t perturbed because new and exciting opportunities had arisen in his hometown of Melbourne.
In October 1992 Jeffrey Kennett was elected the forty third Premier of Victoria. Truthwright led the toast at the celebratory party held at Southern Cross Hotel and a framed photograph of the festivities, which appeared on the front page of the next morning’s edition of the Herald Sun, still adorns his office wall.
In the years that followed Truthwright played a critically important behind-the-scenes role in Kennett’s Victoria. He was one of the very few Victorians who seemed to understand how the new premier’s mind worked.
Kennett’s behaviour had confounded Melbourne’s leading psychiatrists for over a decade – most are still bewildered by his incessant public utterances. But Truthwright had an almost psychic ability to read Kennett’s mind. In fact, the two men often communicated through a series of visceral grunts, twitches and wild gesticulations that mystified other members of the government, the media and the public.
Although never holding a formal position, Truthwright was instrumental in a number of the Kennett government’s most important initiatives. These included the closure of dozens of government schools and the sale of the land to property developers, the privatisation of the state’s power and water utilities and their transfer to Singaporean and French holding companies, all of which had Truthwright as a board member.
However, the three Kennett era initiatives of which Truthwright is most proud include the installation of bud lighting on all fixed structures in the CBD, the Albert Park Formula One Grand Prix, and thwarting several attempted assassinations. In fact, it was the last of these, a 1999 assault by the terrorist mastermind Osama bin Laden, which along with the unexpected election of the Bracks Labor government in 1999 which finally drove Truthwright to take up full-time residence at the now completed mansion in Portsea.
These assassination attempts are pivotal to understanding Truthwright’s next steps. Kennett and Truthwright offer entirely different accounts. Speaking of the incident for the first time in late 2010, Kennett recalled how he was attacked by bin Laden while leaving Camberwell’s Rivoli cinema after a special screening of The Mummy.
He recounted how the maniacal Saudi leapt on to his back after hiding in a garbage skip and drew a long dagger. Kennett describes fighting off bin Laden and chasing him along Riversdale Road and across Camberwell Junction before losing him in the tram depot as the terrorist threw hand grenades over his shoulder. Kennett has said that he only raised the incident recently because he was worried about homosexuals in the Australian Football League.
Truthwright, however, who had remained silent on the episode until Kennett’s revelations, remembers things differently. He said that Bin Laden sprang from the doorway of a carpet emporium and that Kennett’s first response was to offer the terrorist his wife and the directorship of a state government agency in return for his life.
Truthwright claims that it was he, and not Kennett, who fought off the Saudi and that while they struggled the premier cheered for whichever man appeared to have the upper hand.
The disputed account of the events of that day led to a falling out between the two men. To this day Truthwright insists it was he who was the target of bin Laden’s attack because of the danger Holtism – his vision of a bold new Australian society – posed to vested interests and the status quo. In Truthwright’s view of the world, it is his ideas that pose the biggest danger to the atrophy of mainstream political parties and institutions and as a result he believes that terrorists, republicans, vegans, the Australian Taxation Office and the medical profession view him as a threat. He believes he is a marked man.
The ‘Cheese Incident’
Dr Erstwhile Truthwright is a man who has never let his fears, regardless of whether they are real or merely a manifestation of psychopathy, compromise his psychological urge to accumulate wealth.
To be sure, he craves notoriety. He yearns for recognition and adulation. He demands fealty from those he considers beneath him (most people). And he genuinely believes he is always “the smartest man in the room”. In fact, it is this particular character quirk which is believed to have caused his famous falling out with US President Donald Trump at the 2019 G7 Summit.
The incident, which saw Truthwright place the US President Trump in a headlock and toss him into a Koi pond, erupted during a meeting on the margins of a meeting between Trump and Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison on the sidelines of the Summit in Biarritz in France. Truthwright, who had finagled his way into the Australian delegation, was keen to inject into the meeting a proposal about a fully enclosed 144-hole Trump-Truthwright owned golf course in the Daintree Forest.
But after 37 minutes of listening to Trump brag about how he invented spray-on cheese Truthwright snapped. The issue was (and remains) close to Truthwright’s heart. For almost two decades he has attempted to convince QANTAS to replace the cheese collection in its club lounges with his own range of aerosol-based curds and the prospect of Trump stealing the idea, which Truthwright calculated would generate millions, proved too much.
Truthwright lunged at the US president, knocking over Foreign Minister Julie Bishop and several US officials in the process, and placed Trump in a headlock. The suddenness of the attack caused Trump to spontaneously defecate, preventing Secret Service officers from intervening and allowing Truthwright to drive home his advantage. With Morrison encouraging his US counterpart with shouts of, “Don’t worry - I once shit myself in a Maccas!”, Truthwright dragged the US president to an ornate koi pond outside the hotel lobby and shouting, “keep your fat fingers off my cheese” threw the US president into the water.
It took deft diplomatic manoeuvring by Australian officials to prevent the incident from destroying the alliance. While Canberra’s then ambassador in Washington, Joe Hockey, agreed to work as a White House toast rack every second weekend, it was an agreement to gift the US several billion dollars for imaginary submarines which eventually mollified the US President. By the time of Trump’s second term the two men had reconciled, helped in part by Trump confusing Truthwright with Kim Jong-Un. But immediately following the episode Truthwright retreated from public life and did not re-emerge until after the COVID-lockdowns.
The appointment provided Truthwright with proximity to power and reinvigorated his entrepreneurial energy. In fact, Truthwright was so successful at using his control of the lucrative Laotian cockfighting circuit to expand his retinue of connections within the Communist regime that by late 1982 he had secured several profitable logging and precious stone mining concessions.
However, Truthwright’s commercial successes and influence across the Mekong Delta generated widespread jealousy among local communists, especially after Kaysone’s 1985 decision to allow Truthwright start his own stable of pugilistic chickens.
A sunburned Truthwright drags Trump towards the Koi Pond following their argument over cheese at the 2019 G7 summit in France.
Establishing The Harold Holt Disappearance Reenactment Society
Self-imposed exile was easy for Truthwright, not only because it allowed him the time to devise new schemes for making money and to expand his circle of contacts via a frenetic program of letter writing to political, religious and the artistic leaders both in Australia and overseas, but also because it gave him the time to enjoy the surrounds of his pet project, The Harold Holt Disappearance Reenactment Society.
What began as a small asbestos shack in 1971, had by 2020 grown into a sprawling 15-hectare oasis. Including a 135-room gothic mansion and over 20 out-buildings, including the world famous Speargun and Snorkel Bistro, members of all categories (except Compost) can enjoy cabaret-style entertainment, the world’s longest sushi train and largest (by volume) chocolate fountain.
Facilities also include the Peta Credlin Centre for Prosthetic Research, world class athletic arenas dedicated to the ancient sports of cockfighting and jousting, as well as world-leading laboratories in areas such as genetics, robotics, phrenology and decimalisation. In addition to this, annexes to its West house luxury cabins available for rent to elite membership categories (Gold to Rinehart) and to the East, which contain caravans and tents available to members of lower status member categories (Lint to Tungsten).
Most of the HHDRS’s 200 full-time staff work for below minimum wage – a loophole in the Fair Work Act has allowed Truthwright to classify 20 per cent of the area of the Institute as falling under the sovereignty of Laos, allowing Truthwright to pay Laotian wage rates and avoid onerous incentive-killing red tape, such as minimum wages and occupational health and safety requirements.
Truthwright’s decision to open his estate to members in 2012 reflected his abiding commitment to the memory and vision of Sir Harold Holt. It is a base for the ongoing quest to reveal the truth about the so-called ‘disappearance’ of Harold Holt, to continue to search for his whereabouts and, once located, to plan and launch a rescue mission so that Australia’s greatest ever leader can be returned to complete his tenure as Prime Minister.
In the interim, the HHDRS serves as a vehicle for continuing to develop and promote the visions embodied in Sir Harold Holt, “Holtism”, and to help remake Australia in its image.
A key part of this latter objective is the holding of an annual reenactment ceremony whereby members are invited to nominate celebrities to play the role of Sir Harold Holt and other key figures involved in the tragic events of 17 December 1967, when a Ming-class Communist Chinese submarine kidnapped the Australian leader as he performed backstroke across Port Philip heads.
The fact that the HHDRS opened its gates immediately after the Global Financial Crisis is also significant. Truthwright was outraged at the attempt by some to blame the crisis on the unfettered “greed” of a handful of bankers and finance industry executives. In his view the crisis was caused by the lack of greed – attempts by leftists, humanists and other malevolent forces in government to deny the reality of human avarice as a force for progress.
Truthwright views criticisms of free markets and extreme wealth in the same way he viewed criticism of Church cover-ups of systemic child abuse by religious orders – as part of a dangerous revival of the kinds of leftist thinking that had hobbled his mentor Brother Fintonia, and which he had fought against for decades.
He equates criticism of the free-market reforms as a form of heresy which, if left unchecked, will eventually return the world to darkness.
He was especially enraged by those who had turned against “trickle down” economics – drawing a comparison between those who doubted that wealth would eventually trickle down to “lift all yachts” to those who doubted the eventual second coming of Christ or the promise of alchemy.
The HHDRS was to serve as a symbol of the wondrous potential of free markets, of the unlimited potential of humans unfettered by government and outdated notions of empathy, social responsibility or egalitarianism.
It was to be a living example of the kind of Utopia which could be achieved through Holtism and its valorisation of the kinds of hierarchies outlined in the Old Testament Book of Leviticus – which along with Atlas Shrugged, The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, and the Apple and Pear Appropriation Bill (1966) – Truthwright considers one of mankind’s greatest feats of reasoning.
Although he resides within the gothic mansion at the center of the HHDRS compound, Truthwright is rarely spotted by members. When he moves around the facility to visit the vaults or laboratories, attend a cockfight, or to make the 300m trek to the helipad it is almost always by a sedan chair shrouded in mink and black velvet.
Occasionally he can be spied through several windows, often at his 1975 Remington typewriter composing another letter to a world leader, fellow entrepreneur, or a high-profile individual on matters relating to the HHDRS and its vision, including the current whereabouts of Sir Harold Holt, the evils of taxation, the importance of including cockfighting in the Olympic games, and the need for those at the apex of global hierarchies to remain vigilant in the face of threats posed by Chinese communism, anti-clerical feminism and egalitarianism.
His letters, which financial members will one day find stored in the HHDRS archives, reflect Truthwright’s belief that he alone offers an alternative voice to the Greek chorus of that uniquely modern class of highly credentialed sycophants who surround politicians, corporate leaders and cultural icons whose main function is to perpetuate the myth that all is well.
He chafes at the power of un-representative minions and is irritated that through their control over access to the corridors of power they are denying him access to money.
The idea that wealth should be shared is a notion that makes Truthwright physically ill and he considers every minute that a president, prime minister, chief executive officer or a cultural icon is not listening to him is a minute of lost fiscal opportunity.
Testimonials
“I must build a bigger Cockring just like Truthwright’s,”
— Jim (Chuckles) Jong Un, Supreme Leader, North Korea
“Your Honour. The prosecution has insufficient evidence to pursue charges,”
— Karim Khan, Chief Prosecutor, International Criminal Court. The Hague, Netherlands
“That fat guy has my wallet,”
— Malcolm Turnbull, former Acting Prime Minister of Australia